Oak Hollow Park

Connection March 2026

Les — Sun, 15 Feb 2026 02:05:37 +0000

Hello neighbors, I guess it’s time to catch up. As you know, I work for the Appraisal Review Board.

It’s a seasonal job for the state of Texas. We have the legal responsibility to listen to property tax protests and to determine the fair market value, after listening to testimony between the Appraisal District appraiser and the property owner. Sometimes we hear 75 property tax protests per day. The Property Tax protest season is May through October.

When I’m not working for the ARB, I am trying to do the maintenance, repairs and upgrades that I feel my home needs. During the coldest part of winter, my 40-year old bathroom heater decided to quit working. Fortunately my handyman Roger replaced it with a new one. My HVAC heating system was acting up but fortunately, Ruben the HVAC tech was available and the heat was on. We have lived in Oak Hollow Park for 20 years. I have always been unhappy with poor lighting in my Garage. Roger updated my electrical outlets and now my garage gets bright when I turn on the garage lights.

Last November, my wife and I were on the fence how to we should vote … I was looking forward to paying a lower property tax bill, but my wife was hesitant, believing if we pay less property taxes, our local public schools will suffer. Now it is about 4 months later; Yes, my property tax bill is lower, but listen to the news, some schools are closing, teachers are losing their jobs, fewer teachers with more students per classroom.

Now the City and County don’t have enough money to fund the 2026 proposed budget

All property owners that successfully protested their (tax year) 2025 property taxes were promised that their 2026 property tax value would not increase. Now we have the Mayor in San Antonio, stating that the city budget was going to be $1,000,000 less than needed. More financial woes: the new Spurs project was voted in and the County needs to come us with more than a billion dollars.

But they cannot raise market value appraisals to collect more money.

How are the City and County going to collect millions or billions more money?

I can only see one possible way! Please view the 2025 Total Tax Rate used to calculate property tax bills.

When the County raises the Total Tax Rate, every property owner’s property tax bill will increase even if the appraised market value does not increase, and that is how the City and County will pay their commitments.

What can you do if you don’t want a higher property tax bill?

You should protest your 2026 proposed property taxes to keep your property tax bill from increasing.

Please find videos I created, giving you examples on “How to successfully protest your property taxes” online @ OakHollowPark.com/tax/.

Watch Elmer’s three videos: 1- Property Tax protest preparation. 2- The Informal Hearing. 3- The Formal Hearing.

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Barber Shop Shave

Les — Fri, 19 Dec 2025 03:37:11 +0000

“Old cowboy comes into the barber shop for a shave.”

Tells the barber, “I’m lookin’ for a clean shave. All these wrinkles on my face from old age the sun and wind, I haven’t had a close clean shave in years.”

Barber hands him a wooden ball and says, “stick this in your cheek like a squirrel.”

The old cowboy does as he is told and the wrinkles are stretched out smooth so the barber starts shaving. Then he switches to the other cheek and finishes the shave.

The Barber hands the old cowboy a towel and the cowboy returns the wooden ball saying, “wow, I haven’t had a shave this close in many years. Got a question for you though. What would have happened if I had swallowed the ball?”

The barber quickly answers, “I reckon you would bring it back in a couple days like everyone else does”.

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Jokes for John

Les — Thu, 27 Nov 2025 15:45:00 +0000

The coin toss

By the time Bobby arrived, the football game had already started. “Why are you so late?” asked his friend. “I couldn’t decide between going to church and going to the football game. So, I tossed a coin,” said Bobby. “But that shouldn’t have taken too long.” said the friend. “Well, I had to toss it 35 times.”

My dad is better than your dad

Three boys on the playground were bragging about their dads. One said. “My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a song and they pay him $50.” “Oh, yeah. My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a poem and they pay him $100.” “That’s nothing,” said the third kid. My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a sermon and it takes six people to collect all the money in the room!”

Adam’s Ribs

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’

Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

Directions

On the Sunday before Christmas, a reverend was walking down a street on his way to see a parishioner. However, he wanted to post a parcel urgently so he asked a young boy where he could find the post office. When the boy had directed him, the reverend thanked him and said, ‘If you’ll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven.

The boy replied, ‘I think I’ll give your sermon a miss. If you don’t even know your way to the post office, how will you lead me to heaven?

The new suit

This year for our pastor’s birthday, the congregation decided to give him a new suit.

He was so touched by the gift that the following Sunday he stood before everyone and, with tears in his eyes, announced, “Today I will be preaching to you in my birthday suit.”

When I grow up.

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister When I grow up.”

“That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?”

“Well,” said the little boy, “I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen.”

The building fund

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news.

The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program.

The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”

Coffee

A married couple were arguing who is making the coffee, the wife said that in the Bible it says that men should make the coffee and the husband asked her where it said that. The wife opened the Bible and said: “Right here in HEBREWS!”

Golf during church

The Pastor woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So…. he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to preach for him that day. As soon as the associate pastor left the room, the Pastor headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his church.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from heaven and exclaimed,
“You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?” The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”

Just then he hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It was a 435 yard Hole in One!

Saint Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?”

The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”

Adam’s counter offer

God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him, “Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg.”

Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, “What could I get for a rib?”

Preachers’ new mower

A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him.

The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. The engine was sputtering along at idle speed. The preacher increased the speed of the engine and mowed a few strips. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of $25.00.

Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, “What’s wrong?”
The reply came, “I can’t get this mower started. Do you know how?”

The kid said, “Yep.”

“Well, how do you do it? Tell me!”, the preacher yelled.
The kid replied, “You have to cuss at it.”

The preacher rose up indignantly. “Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I’ve forgotten how to do it after all these years.”

With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said, “Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope and it’ll all come back to ya.”

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You Can’t Say Things Like That

Les — Thu, 13 Nov 2025 14:12:00 +0000

A 75-year-old man walked into a busy doctor’s waiting room and approached the reception desk.

The receptionist greeted him and asked, “Yes, sir, what brings you in today?”

“There’s something wrong with my d!ck,” he replied matter-of-factly.

Shocked, the receptionist scolded him, “Sir, you can’t just say things like that in a crowded waiting room!”

“Why not? You asked, and I answered,” the man said.

Flustered, the receptionist sighed. “You’ve embarrassed everyone here. Next time, just say there’s something wrong with your ear or something, and discuss the details privately with the doctor.”

The man nodded, turned around, and walked out. A few minutes later, he re-entered the room and approached the desk once again.

The receptionist, now pleased with herself, smiled and asked, “Yes, sir?”

“There’s something wrong with my ear,” he said loudly.

Relieved, she responded, “Oh? And what’s wrong with your ear, sir?”

“I can’t piss out of it,” he replied.

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Good and Bad News

Les — Thu, 13 Nov 2025 13:47:35 +0000

A wealthy New York businessman was in his office and got a call from his lawyer one afternoon.

“Mr. Weston,” the lawyer said, “I’ve got some good news… and some bad news.”

The businessman sighed. “It’s been a rough day, Jack. Let’s start with the good news.”

The lawyer replied, “Well, I met with your wife today. She told me she invested just $5,000 in two pictures. And get this—she believes they’ll be worth between $15 and $20 million someday … and honestly, I think she might be right!”

Mr. Weston lit up. “Wow! That’s incredible! My wife is a genius! You’ve completely turned my day around. So, what’s the bad news?”

The lawyer paused for a moment, then said quietly, “Well … the pictures are of you and your secretary.”

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Could’ve been a Janitor

Les — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 22:28:28 +0000

A man once walked into Microsoft looking for a janitor job.

After a few questions and some simple tests, the interviewer smiled and said, “Congratulations, you’re hired. Just give us your email address, and we’ll send you your schedule.”

The man hesitated and replied, “I don’t have a computer, or even an email.”

The HR manager frowned. “I’m sorry, but if you don’t have an email, that means you don’t exist in our system. And without that, we can’t hire you.”

The man left, disappointed, with only $30 in his pocket. But instead of giving up, he went to a farmer, bought 20 pounds of apples, and began selling them on a busy street corner. Within a few hours, he had doubled his money. By evening, he had earned ten times what he started with.

That’s when he realized he didn’t need a company, he could build something on his own.

Years passed. He bought a small truck, opened a fruit stand, then expanded into a small grocery store.

After five years, he owned a successful chain of supermarkets.

One day, while arranging business insurance, the agent asked, “Could I get your email so we can send you the paperwork?”

The man smiled. “I don’t have a computer, or email.”

The agent was stunned. “You built all this without even having an email? Imagine what you could’ve done if you did!”

The man chuckled and said, “If I had an email, I’d be cleaning floors at Microsoft.”

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Designated Biker

Les — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 22:24:16 +0000

One night, a cop was staking out a rowdy biker bar for possible DUIs.

At closing time, he saw a biker stumble out of the bar, trip over his own boots, and try his keys on five different Harleys before finally finding his own Harley.

He sat there in the saddle, fumbling with his keys for a few minutes while all the other bikers roared off into the night.

Finally, he fired up his engine and started to roll out.

The cop was waiting. As soon as the biker hit the road, the cop pulled him over, read him his rights, and gave him a breathalyzer test. The result: 0.0.

The confused cop asked, “How’s that possible?”

The biker grinned and said, “Relax, officer… tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

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The Jar

Les — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 22:20:10 +0000

An 85 year old man had to provide a sperm cycle for his physical exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.”

The next day, the man returned to the doctor’s office with the jar, as clean as an empty as the day before.

The doctor asked, “What happened?”

The man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this; first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, but still nothing. We even call Rosey, the lady next door. She tried too, first with both hands, then she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked, you asked your neighbor?

The old man replied, “Yep, but none of us could get the jar open.”

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The Rivalry

Les — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 02:16:31 +0000

Two Navy SEALs boarded a short flight from Dallas to Houston. One slid into the window seat, the other took the middle.

Right before takeoff, a Green Beret strolled down the aisle, dropped into the aisle seat, kicked off his boots, stretched out, and wiggled his toes like he owned the place.

The SEAL by the window leaned back and said, “Man, I could go for a Coke.”

The Green Beret grinned. “No problem, brother. I got you,” he said, hopping up to grab one from the flight attendant.

As soon as he was out of sight, the SEAL picked up one of the Green Beret’s boots… and spat right in it.

Moments later, the Green Beret returned, handed over the Coke, and got comfy again.

Then the other SEAL chimed in, “You know what? That actually sounds good—I’ll take one too.”

“Sure thing,” said the Green Beret, standing up once more.

As he walked off, SEAL #2 picked up the second boot… and yep—spit right in it too.

The flight cruised along. No drama. Everyone relaxed.

When the plane landed in San Antonio, the Green Beret calmly slipped his feet back into his boots… paused… looked down… then shook his head in disappointment.

With a long sigh, he muttered: “How long must this go on? The rivalry, the bitterness, the spitting in boots and the peeing in Cokes?”

Moral of the story: Pick your battles wisely and never trust a drink you didn’t see get poured.

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The Golden Years

Les — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 02:12:49 +0000

As I left the mall, I reached into my pocket for my keys—nothing. A wave of panic hit me. Had I really left them in the car? My husband had warned me countless times about this, always worried that one day the car would get stolen.

I rushed to the parking lot, and my heart sank. The space where I had parked was completely empty. The car was gone!

Frantic, I grabbed my phone and called the police. I gave them my location and explained, voice trembling, “My car has been stolen! I left the keys inside!”

But the hardest call was yet to come. Taking a deep breath, I dialed my husband. “I, uh… I left the keys in the car… and it’s been stolen.”

There was a long silence. So long that I thought the call had dropped—until I heard him snap, “Are you kidding me? I dropped you off!”

My stomach sank. Oh. Right.

Now it was my turn to go silent. Feeling like an idiot, I mumbled, “Well… come get me.”

His response? “I will. Just as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your damn car!”

Ah, welcome to the golden years!

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