Funny Stories in Oak Hollow Park Archives - Oak Hollow Park

The Clever Gentleman and the Bank

Les — Wed, 09 Jul 2025 02:27:25 +0000

An elderly gentleman walked into a bank and approached the teller. Handing over his bank card, he said politely, “I’d like to withdraw $20, please.”

The teller barely glanced at him before responding, “Sir, for withdrawals under $200, please use the ATM.”

The old man frowned. “And why is that?”

Sighing, the teller slid his card back across the counter. “Those are the rules, sir. If you don’t need anything else, please step aside. There are other customers waiting.”

The man paused for a moment, then handed his card back. “Alright, then. I’d like to withdraw all my money instead.”

Annoyed but following protocol, the teller checked his account. A second later, her demeanor shifted completely. She leaned in and whispered, “Sir, you have $500,000 in your account. The bank doesn’t keep that much cash on hand. You’ll need to schedule an appointment for such a large withdrawal.”

The gentleman nodded. “I see. How much can I withdraw immediately?”

“$5,000 is the maximum per transaction.”

Smiling, the old man replied, “Alright, I’ll take $5,000 then.”

Now speaking with extra politeness, the teller quickly counted out the cash and handed it to him with a warm smile.

The gentleman took $20, tucked it into his wallet, and then slid the remaining $4,980 back across the counter. “Please deposit this back into my account.”

oral of the story: Never underestimate older folks. They’ve spent a lifetime mastering the game.

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A Pharmacy Adventure

Les — Wed, 09 Jul 2025 02:22:36 +0000

One sunny afternoon, two young boys, their faces alight with curiosity and purpose, strolled into a bustling pharmacy. Their small hands fidgeted with their pockets as they wandered through the aisles, finally stopping in front of a shelf filled with boxes of tampons. After a brief, serious discussion, they grabbed a box and headed straight to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist, a kind-hearted man with years of experience behind the counter, couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the two determined customers. As the older boy, who looked no older than eight, placed the box on the counter, the pharmacist asked with gentle curiosity, “Son, how old are you?”

“Eight,” the boy replied confidently, his chest puffed out with a sense of maturity.

The pharmacist chuckled softly and leaned in a little closer. “Do you know what these are used for?”

The boy hesitated for a moment, scratching the back of his head. “Not exactly,” he admitted, “but they’re not for me. They’re for him.” He gestured toward his younger brother, a wide-eyed four-year-old who was peeking shyly from behind him.

The pharmacist’s grin grew wider. “Oh, really?” he asked, his tone inviting an explanation.

“Yes,” the older boy said earnestly. “We saw on TV that if you use these, you can swim, play tennis, and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do any of those.”

For a moment, the pharmacist was at a loss for words. The sincerity in the boy’s voice and the sheer innocence of his logic were disarming. Stifling a laugh, he nodded, ringing up the purchase with a newfound appreciation for the boundless imagination of children.

As the boys left the pharmacy, their heads held high and their mission accomplished, the pharmacist shook his head with a chuckle. Sometimes, he thought, the pure and literal interpretations of the world through a child’s eyes are a delightful reminder of life’s simple joys.

And who knows? Maybe that little brother would soon be convinced he could conquer swimming pools, tennis courts, and bike trails … all thanks to his big brother’s unwavering faith in the magic of television commercials.

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The Aging Club

Les — Sun, 06 Jul 2025 20:43:10 +0000

Three elderly men were sitting together in the lounge at their nursing home, swapping complaints about the hardships of getting older.

The 60-year-old sighed.

“Sixty is the worst. I constantly feel like I need to pee, but when I get to the bathroom … nothing. Just stand there, waiting … and waiting.”

The 70-year-old waved him off.

“Please. At seventy, it’s all about constipation. I take pills, eat bran, drink prune juice — you name it. And I still sit there for hours like I’m trying to pass a boulder.”

The 80-year-old slowly shook his head. “You guys don’t know the half of it. Eighty’s the worst.”

“Oh no,” said the 60-year-old. “Let me guess—you have the same issues?”

“Actually, no,” said the 80-year-old. “Every morning at exactly 6:00 a.m., I pee like a racehorse. Full stream, no hesitation.”

“Then it’s your bowels?” asked the 70-year-old.

“Nope. Like clockwork, at 6:30, I have the most satisfying bowel movement you could imagine.”

The other two looked at him, confused.

“So … what’s the problem?” the 60-year-old asked.

The old man sighed.

“I don’t wake up until 7:00.”

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Let him dig!

Les — Mon, 23 Jun 2025 02:18:30 +0000

An old man and woman were married for years, and they argued non-stop.

When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. “When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and he enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

Her new-found happiness was becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: “Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? … that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?”

The wife put down her drink and said … “Let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down.”

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Oops

Les — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 02:13:54 +0000

A man was lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to oxygen, recovering from surgery. A young student nurse came in to give him a partial sponge bath.

Through the mask, he mumbled, “Nurse … are my testicles black?”

The nurse froze — clearly flustered.

“Sir, I’m only assigned to clean your upper body and feet,” she said softly.

But the man insisted again, “Please … can you check? Are my testicles black?”

Worried his anxiety might affect his recovery, she hesitated but decided to help. Gently, she pulled back the covers, lifted his gown, and carefully examined everything. After a thorough check, she said kindly, “Sir, everything looks perfectly normal. No signs of anything wrong.”

The man slowly lifted his oxygen mask, gave a weak grin, and said: “Thanks … but I was just asking … are my test results back?”

Oops.

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Quick Thinking

Les — Sat, 14 Jun 2025 23:14:05 +0000

An elderly woman walked up to the checkout counter at the grocery store and said to the young clerk, “I’d like to buy half a head of lettuce.”

The young man looked at her, a bit confused, and replied, “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only sell whole heads of lettuce.”

She smiled patiently.

“I’m 82, dear. I don’t eat much, and half of it always goes bad. Could you ask your manager if there’s something he can do?”

With a sigh, the clerk headed toward the back of the store. As he entered the manager’s office, he muttered, “Hey, there’s this cranky old lady who wants to buy half a head of lettuce …”

But mid-sentence, he turned and realized the woman had followed him, standing right behind him.

Without missing a beat, he added, “… and this lovely lady would like the other half. So, it all works out!”

The manager smiled, nodded, and made the arrangements. The woman left the store pleased.

Later, the manager turned to the clerk and said, “That was quick thinking. Where are you from, son?”

The young man grinned, “I’m from Nova Scotia, but I left because it’s just full of hockey players and … well, ladies of the night.”

The manager’s face dropped.

“My wife is from Nova Scotia.”

Without missing a beat, the clerk flashed a smile and said, “No kidding? What team does she play for?”

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What Older Brother

Les — Sat, 14 Jun 2025 23:10:40 +0000

My Kid: I feel like you’re always making up rules and stuff.

Me: Like what?

My Kid: Like if I don’t clean my room, a portal will open and take me to another dimension.

Me: Well, that’s what happened to your older brother.

My Kid: What older brother?

Me: Exactly.

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The Lawyer Knows Best

Les — Sat, 14 Jun 2025 23:07:23 +0000

So, a young man goes to see a New York lawyer and says, “My neighbor borrowed $500 and won’t pay me back. What should I do?”

The lawyer asks, “Do you have any proof he owes you the money?”

“Not really,” Andy replies. “I trusted him. I thought we were friends.”

“I see,” says the lawyer.

“Alright, we’ll send him a letter asking for the $5,000 he owes you, with a stamped return envelope.”

The young man says, “But it’s only $500?”

“Exactly,” the lawyer grins. “And that’s the amount he’ll correct us with in writing … giving us proof for court!”

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Plucking Chickens

Les — Fri, 13 Jun 2025 00:54:54 +0000

Sometimes when you visualize a funny story, it becomes an unforgettable memory. Keep reading.

“Late again, Johnny,” said Miss Crabtree, arms crossed as little Johnny slipped into class nearly an hour past the bell.

“It ain’t my fault, Miss Crabtree,” Johnny said, eyes wide with innocence. “Blame my Daddy. It’s ‘cause he sleeps in the nude!”

Now Miss Crabtree had been teaching third grade for over thirty years. She’d heard every excuse in the book … but this one gave her pause.

With a wary sigh, she asked, “Johnny … what does your father sleeping naked have to do with you being late?”

Johnny grinned, clearly enjoying every second of his story.

“Well, Miss Crabtree, we got ourselves a real sneaky coyote out at the ranch. The past few nights he got six of our hens and even killed Mama’s best milk goat!”

“So last night, Daddy heard something in the chicken coop. He jumped up, grabbed his shotgun, and hollered, “That dang coyote’s back … I’m gonna get him!”

“He told me to stay inside. And off he went, naked as a jaybird! No boots, no pants, no nothing!”

Johnny pantomimed crawling on the ground.

“He creeped out to the coop real quiet-like, crawling through the dirt like some kind of cowboy ninja. Then he poked his double-barrel through the henhouse window, just waiting …”

Miss Crabtree raised a brow. “Go on.”

“Well,” Johnny continued, “our old black Lab, Bob, woke up and went looking for Daddy … and just as Daddy was staring into the dark, thinking he had that coyote cornered …”

Johnny paused dramatically, “Bob snuck up behind Daddy … and stuck his cold nose right in Daddy’s crack!”

Johnny’s class erupted in laughter.

Johnny added proudly, “We’ve been plucking chickens since three this morning because Daddy fired both barrels straight into the chicken coop!”

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Small Town Farmers

Les — Fri, 30 May 2025 22:00:12 +0000

Two small-town Texas farmers were looking at an ‘Amazon catalog’ and admiring the models.

One says to the other, “Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?”

The second one replies, “Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!”

The first one says, with wide eyes, “Wow, they aren’t very expensive, at this price, I’m buying one.”

The second farmer smiles and pats him on the back. “Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.”

Three weeks later, the youngest farmer asks his friend, “Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Amazon catalog?”

The second farmer replies, “No, but it shouldn’t take long now. I got her clothes yesterday!”

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