So many Little Johnny Jokes to share:
Little Johnny is always the target of teasing from the other boys in the neighborhood, who like to call him stupid. Their favorite trick is to offer him a choice between a nickel and a dime, and Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel yet again, a neighbor pulls him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and replies, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it. But so far, I’ve made $20!”
More Little Johnny jokes:
Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?
Johnny: “A new bike.”
…..
This week in Little Johnny’s English class, they were learning about punctuation. When they got to periods, Johnny asked, “Why are periods so important?”
The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know.
He said, “When my sister told us that she missed a period, my father began yelling, and my mom passed out.”
…..
Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
The teacher is shocked. “Of course not, Johnny! That would be very unfair!”
Johnny is relieved. “That’s good to know,” he says, “Because I haven’t done my homework.”
…..
Little Johnny’s new sibling was crying and screaming for hours.
He asked his parents where they got him from.
They reply, “Oh, we got him straight from heaven.”
Johnny said, “Jeez. I see why they kicked him out of there.”
…..
Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Johnny: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.” Johnny:
“And you don’t know my father!”
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English teacher asks the class: “Which tense is the sentence ‘I AM BEAUTIFUL’?”
Little Johnny replies, “Clearly, past tense.”
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Little Johnny was struggling with his school grades. One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement. He walks up to her and says, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!”
…..
Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher’s long and dull sermon as it drags on and on.
Not able to take it anymore, he leans over to his dad and whispers in his ear, “Hey, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”
…..
Teacher asks Little Johnny, “Johnny, how old is your father?”
“He’s as old as me,” Johnny informs her.
“Now how would that be possible?” inquires the surprised teacher.
“Well – he became father the day I was born.”
…..
A science teacher wanted to teach her 6th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so she produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the teacher, putting a worm first into the water.
The worm in the water wiggled about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, she put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the teacher asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in the back, raised his hand and wisely responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”
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Little Johnny’s teacher says to him, “Johnny! your essay on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your sister’s!” Did you just copy hers?, she asks.
Johnny says, “No, teacher, it is the same dog!”
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Little Johnny: “I’m not going back to school ever again!”
Mom: “Why not?”
Little Johnny: “The teacher doesn’t know a thing; all she does is ask questions!”