Continue reading: More brief funny jokes:
New Income Tax Form
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
- What was your income for the year?
- What were your expenses?
- How much have you left?
- Send it in.
The end is near
Every time a little boy went to a friend’s house, he found the friend’s grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible.
Finally his curiosity got the better of him.
“Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” said his friend, “but I think she’s cramming for her finals.”
Kidding around
On a Miami to Chicago flight was a lively youngster who nearly drove everyone crazy. He was running up and down the aisle when the flight attendant started serving coffee. He ran smack into her, knocking a cup of coffee out of her hand and onto the floor.
As he stood by watching her clean up the mess, she glanced up at the boy and said, ‘”Look, why don’t you go and play outside?”
All bottled up
“We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. By the time I was 14, I owned my own house.”
Caught in the web
I was visiting my son the other night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
“Dad, this is the 21st century,” he said. “I don’t waste my money on newspapers.
But if you like, you can borrow my iPad.”
I can tell you this: That spider never knew what hit him.
Holy deduction
“Hello, Reverend Smith? This is the Internal Revenue Service. Is Samuel Jones a member of your congregation?”
“He is.”
“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”
“He will.”
Foregone conclusion
One Sunday, a minister played hooky from church so he could shoot a round of golf. St. Peter, looking down from Heaven, seethed. “You’re going to let him get away with this, God?”
The Lord shook his head.
The minister took his first shot. The ball soared through the air 420 yards and dropped into the cup for a hole in one. St. Peter was outraged. “I thought you were going to punish him!”
The Lord shrugged. “Who’s he going to tell?”
Still celebrating
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.
His wife asks, “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” sighs the husband. “She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”