Here’s 10 short jokes
- Just desserts
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
- Boyfriend trouble
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
- The End is near
Every time a little boy went to a playmate’s house, he found the friend’s grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally his curiosity got the better of him.
“Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” said his friend, “but I think she’s cramming for her finals.”
- All bottled up
“We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. By the time I was 14, I owned my own house.”
- Holy deduction
“Hello, Reverend Smith? This is the Internal Revenue Service. Is Samuel Jones a member of your congregation?”
“He is.”
“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”
“He will.”
- Talk of the town
I’d offered to drive my mother-in-law to the doctor’s. But when I arrived at her house, I found her gossiping away with a neighbor.
“Mom, we’ve got to go,” I interjected, but she couldn’t hear me over the chatter. “Mom!” I repeated as I pulled her away.
“Sorry, but I didn’t know what to do,” she said, getting into the car. “That woman wouldn’t stop listening to me.”
- Kitchen confidential
I hang on to my old, beat-up appliances as long as they keep working. I thought my wife shared, or at least accepted, my philosophy. But the other morning, I saw a note posted in front of my 15-year-old coffeemaker: “Jurassic Perk.”
- Doctor, doctor
Randy Davis is a renowned computer science professor, but that didn’t carry much weight with his mother. After he got his PhD, she introduced him to friends by saying, “This is my son. He’s a doctor, but not the kind who helps people.”
- Motherly love
About a week after my son left for boot training, I happened to go into his room for an afternoon nap. His bed was still warm and cozy, and I seemed to feel his presence. I wrote and told him that either my mind was playing tricks on me or some supernatural phenomenon had comforted me.
I was still trying to figure out the “miraculous” warmth when his reply came. “Sorry, Mother, I forgot. Turn off my electric blanket.”
- Doggone!
At the bank where I am a teller, a couple with three large dogs in their minivan pulled up to my drive-in window. When the man handed me his deposit slip, the dogs began to climb over him. Pushing them aside, he looked at me sheepishly. “They think we’re at McDonald’s,” he said.
I am sure you smiled at some of them. Have a wonderful happy day.